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Dear Dating Coach - August 8, 2003Does Opposite Mean Incompatible? Q. Does a love relationship between opposites (emotionally, spiritually or different interests or background), have a good chance of long-term survival? What do they have to do EXTRA or DIFFERENT from couples who are not opposites, to maintain good, satisfying and healthy relationships? A. This is a very good question that is frequently asked by singles as they look for potential life partners. The answer is complex, as the characteristics you listed are weighted very differently in their importance to the success or failure of a relationship. How you define each one is also important, as it impacts how these are to be evaluated. So, let's start by breaking down your list and looking at each one.
Emotionally Different If two people have different emotional styles yet can work together to build a bridge between them and their differences, they can achieve a successful, lasting union.
Spiritually Different Once again, how well they can accept the views/beliefs of the other, and work to find common ground, will make the difference between success or failure in a future life together.
Different Interests These same couples often enjoy some things together as well. These interests can be everything from reading, cooking or watching TV together, to hang gliding or scuba diving. It is important that there is quality sharing at some level, part of the time. This allows for private connecting, relaxation and the shared fun that are key in sustaining and maintaining the intimate bond.
Different Backgrounds For instance, a couple can be from different ethnic backgrounds, yet share similar views on the raising of children; need for education; importance of family and the value of hard work. In essence, they share the same values. If you want to read more about clarifying and living your values, go to my article on this subject at: http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/02oct.htm#feature In evaluating whether differences matter, the focus needs to be on how the two people in the relationship can accept, compromise and deal with these differences. If others outside of the relationship, (such as other family members/friends), can cause concern and doubt due to background differences, then the couple has a problem. They must be confident in their relationship, and their ability to live with and embrace these differences. If not, the differences will create a chasm between them that breaks apart even the most hopefully formed bond.
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© copyright 2003, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
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