Many people are asking; “Why?” Why would a successful politician with a lovely wife and family, a promising career, and a squeaky clean record do such a thing? Why, Indeed… Words like arrogance, lust, and recklessness have been thrown around quite a bit. Reactions to Eliot Spitzer’s outing range from shock and disbelief to snickering and gleefulness- especially on Wall Street or any of the many circles where he made enemies as a onetime infamous prosecutor. Here in Washington DC and its close in burbs, the jokes and commentary started within a few hours after the story broke. As a relationship coach and psychotherapist, I heard from a number of media who wanted to get my take on what he was thinking, if he was thinking and WHY he did this to himself and those he loves. No one but the soon to be ex- Governor knows why- but I’m happy to offer my insights and explore some possibilities.

It WAS partly about sex. According to all the men I have discussed this with, and my own history of working with men who have sought out prostitutes- it is about mindless, reckless, anything-you-want sex. There is no emotional attachment, the woman’s needs/feelings are not part of the equation, and the man can have what he wants, the way he wants it- with no consequences. Or so the men who do this believe. As this situation illustrates so well- every act has consequences, and sometimes it’s just a matter of time.

It’s also about power and control- and we know Mr. Spitzer loves both of these. In this type of “relationship,” the woman is an object, a paid object who does as she is told and is then dismissed until the next time. It’s like that old saying; “He who pays the piper calls the tune.” Mr. Spitzer is married to a woman who is his equal and more. She is intelligent, educated and has input into their partnership, family and personal goals, etc. In a marriage, mutual feelings and needs must be considered, issues debated and compromises worked out. Not so with “Kristen.”

It could also be about a deeper compulsion, perhaps even a sexual addiction. Mr. Spitzer may have been seeking the high that comes from doing something forbidden and dangerous and getting away with it. His outwardly controlling nature may have been a mask for a compulsion that was buried deeply and for which he has few outlets. This way he could maintain his public face of happily married, decent and honorable family man and champion of all that is moral and good- yet act out the deep drives and desires that he knows would not be acceptable in his real life.

Whatever the reasons may have been, I can safely say what they were not. The Governor did not seek out call girls because Mrs. Spitzer is not attractive, loving, sexually available, or too intelligent, demanding, etc. I have already heard speculation to this effect- and it fuels those old myths that say it is somehow the woman’s fault- that if she were a better wife, partner, lover- he would not stray. This is not about her- it is about him. Yet the speculation is there and even some criticism has started going around because she stood up there with him when he admitted his transgressions and again when he resigned. Some people are wondering, “How could she, and why?” Perhaps it is because she is in shock and the full reality of what has happened and how long it has been happening has not hit her yet. Perhaps she is thinking about her children, and the effect all of this is having on them. Perhaps she loves him and believes that marriage is for better or worse- and she wants to ride out the worse and heal her marriage.

We should all ask ourselves honestly; “What would I do if it were my husband, lover?” If you can answer this easily, you are not thinking hard enough.

Want to see the latest? Go to:
http://uspolitics.einnews.com/news/spitzer-eliot

I’m afraid I’ve gotten behind in my blogging, and have missed writing about some interesting news stories and studies of interest to you daters out there. Now that singles clubs, events for singles and singles sites are gearing up for the busy fall season, it seems a good time to review some “items of interest” that could be useful as you go online- or get out and mingle, make that first contact and ponder your next move.

Let’s begin with a little dose of reality regarding the limits of online meeting and dating. We all know the many benefits- but if you aren’t a very seasoned and savvy online dater yet, here’s your chance to brush up on the potential dark side of cyber love.

First we have the incredible story of Thomas Montgomery- a stand-up, married father of two who decided one day to re-invent himself online. He “became’ an 18 year old marine named Thomas who began a cyber romance with an “18 year old girl named Jessica.” They corresponded for a long time, sending pictures of their young selves and love letters. Their “relationship” grew until they talked of marriage and he proposed. Thomas actually created a third identity- that of Tommy’s father, who emailed and corresponded with Jessica when Tommy could not (due to being in Iraq). Thomas became obsessed and talked about Jessica at work, telling people he was leaving his wife (Cindy) for her. Cindy found out and confronted him, but he continued with Jessica and Cindy finally wrote to her, giving her the whole story.

It didn’t end there however. Jessica contacted a young man named Brian-who worked with Thomas and who frequented the website they had met on. She wanted to know the truth, and Brain was able to give her the whole story. Brian then began an online relationship with Jessica, and made fun of Thomas at work- telling everyone about what had happened. Interestingly, Jessica and Thomas continued an on-again, off-again relationship for some time, as Jessica continued growing closer to Brian. At some point, Thomas became enraged, shot and killed Brian at work one evening and went to prison- losing his marriage and family. Even stranger, “Jessica” turned out to be a 43 year old woman named Mary, Who masqueraded as her daughter Jessica.

Moral of this one, folks- Don’t believe anything you are told by someone online. Assume it isn’t true until you have the chance to actually meet and experience this person- and compare what you were told to what you are seeing. This story is stranger than fiction- but it happened.

Then there’s the one about the “Second-Life” couple. If you are one of the few people who are not familiar with second life- it is a virtual world where people can buy land, own businesses, develop communities, date, get married, divorced, you name it. What is astonishing is how many people are spending their time and real money on this fantasy life- where their “avatar’ gets to be whoever they want to be.

Many relationships have formed and continue on second life, and this story deals with one of them- that of Ric Hoogestraat, a 53 year old married man from Arizona, who meets, develops a virtual relationship with, and marries- Janet Speilman, a 38 year old Canadian woman. Ric’s wife Susan is well aware of the “relationship”, and when interviewed, discussed how difficult it was for her to see her husband spending so much time online, talking to and making “virtual love” with Janet. Their relationship has even crossed over into real time, when Ric needed surgery last spring and Janet spent real money buying him a virtual island to cheer him up.

It seems that virtual relationships are becoming more and more common and that the people who engage in them are reporting how satisfying they can be. The danger I see in all of this is that technology has taken the place of face to face relating. It is easier in that we don’t have to deal with uncomfortable feelings and issues, if we don’t want to. If our real relationships are letting us down, we can go online and spend hours with a fantasy person (people), who always understand us, never let us down and expect nothing from us. Over time, one’s “second life” can become the one in which they spend their majority of time and energy. This addiction is becoming more common as virtual relating has changed the whole fabric of who, what, when, where and how we socialize and relate to others.

I don’t know about you, but an intimate walk on a solitary beach at dusk or dawn or an evening under the stars, talking intimately and physically touching another human being will always beat out sitting at my computer- sending out messages in cyberspace.

The last piece worth mentioning here is the story published in the Houston Chronicle, where they quoted the statistic that one in three women who met partners through online dating sites has sex with them on the first date. As hard to believe as this is, it gets better. It was also reported that 75 percent of these women didn’t use condoms. These statistics came from Paige Padgett, Ph.D., of The University of Texas School of Public Health, who conducted an online survey of 740 women who placed personal ads on the Internet seeking men. According to Padgett, “otherwise cautious women may engage in unprotected sex because they are lulled into a sense of ‘virtual intimacy.’ By the time the couples meet face-to-face, they have exchanged much information about their backgrounds, their likes and dislikes, as well as their sexual preferences. Padgett also stated that “The high level of disclosure and frequency of e-mail exchanges with men provides women with at least a virtual intimacy—a sense of a relationship that may or may not exist in reality but may encourage sexual intimacy at a faster rate than what would develop through conventional dating methods.”

If you recognize yourself in any of this, now is a great time to step back and do an inventory of how you are feeling about your past dating experiences, if they were positive or negative- and how you could have a healthier and more successful dating life- which of course is one that ends in a long-term and satisfying relationship.

Hopefully, these will give you something to reflect on as you begin to warm up for a busy (and productive?) dating season.

Want to read all about them? Go to:

Wired magazine

WSJ

Houston

Featured on the front page of The Washington Post last weekend, was a piece on a recent survey done by the Pew Research Center that included statistical findings on the factors that couples cite as most important to a happy relationship. There were a few surprises…and then, there weren’t…

Faithfulness came out on top- not a surprise -and agreement on politics came in as least important of the variables rated. What is surprising is that overall children came in second to last as important to a happy marriage. Whites came in strongest on their feelings that kids are not essential to happiness, blacks were in between- and Hispanics ranked them as more important than the other two groups. Yet, averaged out- they were still second to last. Maybe this is why divorce continues to be strong even though we have been in a baby boom period for a number of years. Kids don’t hold a marriage together, make it better if it has major flaws- or provide the glue that keeps the family together through all the stress, hard times and distance that can come between two people and the future they had envisioned together. So the notion of having a baby to fix a relationship must be close to extinction by now- or one can only hope,

Things like having a good sexual relationship, sharing chores, an adequate income, good housing and shared religious beliefs all came before children. Another surprise was that shared interests ranked only one above children- or third from last. It seems that so much emphasis has always been placed on a need for sameness in interests as a strong factor in compatibility- yet those in the know say “no,” not so.

As I read between the lines I saw a couple of important things to note from this survey. The first is that compatibility seems to be most determined by lifestyle choices, physical chemistry, mutual support and an ability to work together and share the responsibilities of daily life. I see the need for shared values poking out- as our values dictate our priorities, how we view family roles, responsibilities, how we manage and share money, and overall future goals and direction for our lives.

This study is very useful because the information comes from married people who have a firsthand experience with what has been important/not important to their relationships. Whatever their expectations or beliefs were when they made the decision to marry- this information comes from having been there, in the trenches.

For all of you out there who have yet to marry, take another look at your “mate shopping list.” If shared interests, agreement on politics and desire for kids are at the top- you may want to re think your overall priorities and think about a “real life” in the future- with someone who shares your interests but is doing them alone because you are handling most of the child care and/or household and other chores- and are too exhausted to even think about what you would like to do for yourself- if you had the space and support necessary to do it. In other words, put some extra thought into your vision of that future life and what kind of partner you will want beside you when the inevitable challenges, disappointments and heartaches come. Listen to those who have been there, and allow yourself to learn a little from their experiences.

To view the full study go to:

Two nights ago the second segment of “Age of love” was on, followed by “Science of love.” Must be the season for love… When I watch these shows, I look for significant or enlightening comments or dynamics- that could help to answer questions that many people have about attraction and relationships. Both of these have attraction and chemistry as central themes- and these are two that underlie many of the questions I receive. Here are my thoughts on what these shows had to offer this week:

In Age of love, the “20’s” were introduced to both the bachelor- and at the end- the “40’s.” There was quite a bit of hype leading up to all this, and the 40’s did not look too pleased when presented with their competition. The bachelor looked very pleased- and the 20’s seemed quite sure of themselves- as they poked fun (amongst themselves) at the “menopausal, wrinkled, over the hill” older women.

What was significant was the difference in maturity, self confidence and sophistication of the older vs younger women. During the first group encounter with the younger ladies, the bachelor seemed tense and expressed later that he had felt uncomfortable and “missed the 40’s.” He went on to say that with the older women he felt more at ease and that they were more fun, confident, sure of themselves and accomplished in their lives. This was fairly obvious to this viewer- and I suppose to many who were watching. The lesson in this one? Chemistry is NOT just about looks. At the end of the show, he eliminated one of each age category- and kept the 48 year old (oldest of the women), expressing an attraction and connection to her. Interesting…

In “Science of love,” the bachelor got to choose one woman from amongst hundreds who would then compete with a woman chosen by a variety of “experts’ who based their decision on scientific data. They evaluated a whole range of verbal and physical responses (using a variety of scientific instruments) that he gave regarding what type of woman he was looking for and felt to most attraction to. Everything from biofeedback to handwriting analysis to personality typing was employed. The two types he ended up with were very different from each other- both physically and in their personality types and interests.

Watching him interact with each woman was interesting- as he seemed to relate well to both. When on a date with the woman chosen for him, everything was engineered to make the experience as romantic and chemically stimulating as possible. In other words, the dates were also scientifically engineered. The bachelor was aware of this, and commented several times on it. He seemed to reflect at times that science may know better then him what is best for him in the long run as he hasn’t had real success doing it his way. It seemed at times as though he was talking himself into the “chosen” woman over his pick.

In the end, he chose the “chosen’ woman, saying that he felt a connection and wanted to see where science could lead him. Had this been a blind study with both women presented equally as possible mates- who knows what his decision may have been. I was left thinking it may have been the other woman. Can we engineer love and find our best mate using a scientific approach? I’d like to know how it works out for these two before I offer an opinion.

Want to read more? Go to age

Or Science

What will they think of next? Reality shows seem to become more unreal with every new show, yet this time they seem to have come up with an idea that will at least generate some interest and discussion from all you women out there who have fallen for, are interested in or are in a committed relationship- with a younger guy. I must admit, I do get a bit of mail on this topic, and it does have a special attraction for me as both a dating coach and a woman who has been married for almost 20 years to a guy 6 years my junior.

The show, which debuts tonight on NBC, features (as the bachelor), a 31 year old Australian, professional tennis player- who will be attempting to find true love among a group of 13 women who range in age from 21-48 years old. The show has nicknamed its 20 something bachelorettes “Kittens,” and its seven women in their 40’s, “Cougars.” Hummm… I find the terms used to describe each group “interesting.” One implies innocence and the other- aggression. Is this how older women are really seen by younger guys? As a woman, I have met many young cougars and older kittens. In my experience, it all depends on the woman.

It will be interesting to see what dynamics occur between the women- and how their young suitor will respond to each- according to their age, experience, etc. Will age really matter? What will he talk about with each? Will there be a difference in lifestyles, goals, and overall intellectual and physical chemistry based on age- more than any other factors? What will he say about his feelings regarding the age differences as the show progresses? Will any of the older women make it to the final, or close to final, cut? I plan to watch and to TiVo it, just in case. Perhaps it will provide some insights or things to think about for all you “cougars” open to meeting and dating younger men.

If anyone reading this watches the show, and gains any insights or has any thoughts/opinions on the topic- I would love to hear from you. This goes for guys as well as you ladies. I’d love to get more feedback to share with all those singles who write to me asking, “Is it ok to ask out a younger guy?”

Want to know more? Check out the show here.

I had one of those ah-ha moments today. You know, when a sudden epiphany strikes,and something becomes all too clear. I am the mother of three sons (and one daughter, the youngest). My guys are strong, capable teens. They have worked at small summer jobs cutting lawns- and the oldest has been a camp counselor and lifeguard, among other things. We provide love, care, a good home and everything that comfortable suburban kids could want. Their primary jobs are to focus on their schoolwork and contribute to household chores. This is the last week of school, prom has just passed- and everyone is in a summer state of mind. In other words, they have time on their hands- which is more than I can say for my spouse and I.

So, what am I doing sitting here, cooling off from having just mowed the front lawn? It’s Ben’s job (boy number 3), and he is out in our pool swimming. When I reminded him that the front lawn had not been done yet, he did that; “Oh, please mom, can’t I do it later- my friends and I want to swim and Martin is leaving for France in a few days.” He went on to remind me that he did do the sides and back areas, which are far larger, and would get to it “soon.” As I looked out at my too long grass (in the front, no less), I was dismayed at the thought that my well kept landscape would sit like this for who knows how long. Yet, when I looked at his face, I said “ok”, because I just didn’t have the heart to insist that he do it now. We have had this conversation before, and I’ve had it with the others, so I knew that lawn could turn into a field before he got to it. To make matters worse, his dad left for France today, and his oldest brother is lifeguarding- so my pool of able bodied possibilities was shrinking.

Enter the enabler. Yep, that was me today. With all my responsibilities and full schedule, I went out and worked up a sweat, doing his job for him. I was annoyed and tried to rationalize that this time in his life is short and that play and socialization is so important. What I didn’t focus on is the importance of him handling his responsibilities, no matter how many better offers come up. After all, isn’t it a parents’ job to teach this? When we don’t, what happens to our sons (and daughters) when they grow up and don’t feel like going to work, contributing to household or other shared tasks or facing a difficult or inconvenient challenge?

As a dating/relationship coach, I often hear complaints from women about how responsibility gets divvied up in their relationships (or not). They often list all the things that their significant other is responsible for- but that they end up doing. I calmly talk to them about enabling, and warn them of the dynamic they set in place when they don’t let the other person accept consequences- because they always step up and fix it (handle it) for them. Today, I was the enabler.

If you are a woman, you understand that compulsion we feel to nurture- and to put other’s needs before us. Yet, aren’t we really meeting our need instead of theirs when we deprive them of the opportunity to step up to the plate, take risks, enlarge their comfort zone and learn what they are really capable of?

My advice to me and all enablers who may be reading this is to think about how your help may be hurting your spouse, boyfriend, son, co-worker or friend. The next time you find yourself stepping over the boundary of helpful into enabler- stop and reflect on what you may be taking away from that person- as well as the consequences for you, when you feel overworked and taken for granted. “No” is not a four letter word, and with practice, it even has a nice ring to it.

Politico, a Washington based newspaper that covers all things politics, had an interesting piece on the “locationship”- which is a relationship in which both parties understand that the duration lasts only as long as the election season. McCarthy, the staff writer, interviewed several staffers who have had or considered having- a “locationship.” Their comments added up to an overall attitude that it helps them let off steam and get through the demanding cycle of a campaign.

I can’t help but wonder what happens to all those feelings once the election is won or lost- and life returns to a more normal rhythm. If we were to believe (as those interviewed suggest) that people can have sex without any emotional involvement, this question would have no relevance. However, I’m not buying it. Someone always ends up wanting more, having regrets, feeling used and/or abandoned- when a relationship ends. No matter what the “understanding” up front- we are not machines, who just go through motions and then move on.

As we approach the next “big” election, Washington is gearing up. New staffers are pouring in, positions are beng moved around in order to staff the all-important campaign- and the hours are long and demanding. It’s a perfect environment for anyone working in it to feel separate from the world around them- and especially connected to those who share this unique foxhole.

So, why can’t singles meet other like minded singles through this shared work and passion for politics- and make connections that have the potential to be strong and lasting? Is it that having a relationship is seen as less important than career? Perhaps focusing on a relationship is considered lame to those who see their work- (and maybe themselves?)- as too valuable to waste on seeking a relationship. Certainly Washington is known for is crazed work ethic- where anyone working 9-5 is seen as a deadbeat, and high value is placed on those who are working all the time.

I wonder what the lives of today’s young staffers will look like in 10 or 20 years. Will they still be single and married to their work? Will they have histories of short lived relationships that went nowhere- and led to thoughts of “what might have been?” Perhaps they will be seeking out therapists or dating/relationship coaches to help them figure out where they went wrong and why their lives have ended up so out of balance- and lacking a sense of true fulfillment?

There’s a lesson for all of us in this tale. Pay attention to your different needs and don’t neglect them or put them off- thinking that they will somehow get met on their own. Make choices that are right for you- regardless of the culture/attitudes around you. There really is no such thing as “having it all.” We give up something to get something. Sometimes the compromises are small- sometimes not. Just remember to keep your eye on the future, and avoid taking what is available to you now- for granted. The road of what might have been can be very lonely, and very long.

Want to read more? Go to www.politico.com

It is the day after Valentine’s Day and I woke up hearing a thundering chorus of alleluias (in my imagination anyway). I could just “hear” all the relieved people out there- who dread the 14th for any number of very good reasons. Guys (in relationships) often see Valentine’s Day as a kind of test, in which making a wrong choice about how to show their affection could lead to a deep relationship chill till at least springtime. Women (in relationships) may feel a lot of anxiety over what message their boyfriend or husband will send- based on his choice of gift, words and willingness to acknowledge the day. Singles often verbalize a sense of being on the outside looking in, as they note those around them who seem to all have a special someone in their lives. In other words, no matter what one’s relationship status may be, there is a great deal of pressure in our culture to be happily coupled and expressing our affection and/or undying love to a significant other on this one designated day for love. But what about the other 364 days of the year?

As a relationship coach, Valentine’s Day is a busy time for me. My inbox is filled, I am usually quoted in the media or on radio at various times throughout the week- and I am a HUGE fan of this particular day, right? All but the last part. I must confess that as strange as it sounds, I am not keen on the idea that there should be one day of every year in which we are all expected to remember, acknowledge and celebrate our feelings for our significant other. The reason for my lack of enthusiasm is that I fear it sends a wrong message that goes something like this- “If you go all out on this one day, you get a free pass the rest of the year.”

What I know about healthy, lasting relationships is that they are nurtured and kept alive through the day to day simple gestures of love, caring acts and small sacrifices made willingly and given without reservation for the good of the other. In these relationships, Valentine’s Day is seen more as a day for Hallmark, and when it is celebrated- it is in the same quiet and genuine way as the other 364 days of their relationship.

My suggestion and even challenge to all of you out there in (or soon to be in) relationships, is to take a few moments of every day to acknowledge, compliment, appreciate, assist, care for and celebrate that special person in your life. Then every day will be your special day for love.

I am privileged and cursed to live in a lovely Northern Virginia community, that is only a few traffic lights from our nation’s capitol. We are one of a number of “inside the beltway” families- that has a unique view of how our political system and the people who fuel it think and operate. In addition, my spouse worked on Capitol Hill for years- for members in both the house and senate- and for his party’s national committee. I have attended many receptions, White House Correspondence dinners, functions at embassies, private fundraisers and all those events where policy makers, media and those in related and support industries socialize. Over the years we have seen politicians come and go, insiders become outsiders and vice versa- and the excitement and renewed belief that things will be different now- with this new person or party at the helm.

This week is one of those times. In many ways, it is like the “Republican Revolution” of 1994. However, it stands out not only because the “ruling” party was swept out of office in nothing short of a coup- but history is being made with the first woman being made Speaker of The House of Representatives. Excitement and high expectations have filled the air – however, those of us who live inside the beltway may be feeling it a little less so.

Even though I was a child, I remember the intensity in our country when the first Irish Catholic president was elected. Then there was the mood that swept us all into a new hopefulness when Jimmy Cater came out of nowhere and became the president at a time when our country was in need of great healing from their loss of faith in the system. We all know what happened four years later when Carter was unable to free the hostages in Iran, a secret mission ended up in the tragic, accidental death of our guys who were to be the rescuers- and Ronald Regan came to power with an agenda of bringing national pride and hopefulness back to this country. Since then, we have had in almost equal measure- scandal, loss of faith, renewed hopefulness and some stunning success and failures with our national agendas.

As I have watched and listened to the events unfolding this week, I have been asking myself- “Why will this be any different?” With a kind of cynicism born of experience, I fear that the promises made will be more promises broken- as the reality of what must get done and how it gets done in this town- becomes apparent. Like all Americans, I recognize the unique dangers and challenges we are now confronted with at this time in our country- and hope that policy makers will be able to do what must be done- perhaps at great sacrifice to their own political and personal goals.

What is happening on the national stage should reverberate with all of us- especially at this time of new resolutions and promises to ourselves that this year will be different. Many of us can articulate our needs, wants and dreams- but do we fully grasp what we need to do in order to make the life changes we desire? After all, it is a well known fact that most people “forget” their resolutions by February- and slip back into old ways of doing things. Certainly this is not because of apathy or lack of discipline. So what is it?

There is an invisible path that runs from that place inside of us where dreams are born, to that place where large and small day to day choices and decisions are made. This path is difficult to navigate and for many seems strewn with large ruts, huge pieces of debris and monsters lurking in the surrounding bush. We want to take this trip to a better life, but fear what may happen if we make bold decisions and leave our safety zones for a new frontier.

This is much like the path that our lawmakers face. They will find themselves in situations where the answers are few, and the reasons not to take a chance are many. Ask anyone you know who has made a significant life change about how they accomplished it. Their response will include phrases like, “overcoming fear,” “ not talking about it, but doing it,” “making the hard choices and sticking to them,” and “Taking it one day and/or decision at a time.”

If your desire is to find a committed relationship or to deepen and enhance the relationship you now have- remember that you have the resources and answers you need inside of you already. If you combine these with healthy risk taking, willingness to play it less than safe and an openness to expand the margins of your life and reality- you will be ready to travel that difficult path.

Most or all of you are probably familiar with “My Space,” and may even have a profile there. Perhaps you are under the wrong assumption that it is for teens and college age kids only and therefore, have never checked it out. Either way, there is a new site for social networking that was created especially for upwardly mobile professional adults 25 and older.

According to its founders, Dr. Joseph Hathorn and his wife, Dr. Eugenia Jacobs, Urban Prestige “offers the best features of professional and social networking on one site.” It combines the most important needs and wants for 25-55 year olds- online dating, personal growth and professional development - and it allows users to post resumes, invite friends to social functions, create a dating profile, etc. Before construction, its founders, Hathorn and Jacobs got experts to weigh in on the topics of greatest interest to this demographic.

The appeal of social networking sites is a phenomenon that is sweeping the web. It points to a central issue for all people- the need for connection and a social support system, which is sadly lacking for so many people today- due to our changing and past paced culture, in which work and other responsibilities seems to take too large a role in everyone’s life. Indeed, being part of a community has long been recognized as central to emotional well being and happiness.

It seems that cyber space has become a place where many people are flocking to find others who share similar goals, values, interests and ideas. There they can build a sense of community, which can lead to offline meetings, jobs and even romance. What is most interesting are the numbers of “older’ adults online- those who did not grow up with this technology- yet are readily adapting its use to their needs. It wasn’t very long ago that anyone placing a personal ad or seeking a pen pal was often viewed as a kind of geek, who must be desperate to find a friendship or love. Now we know that the internet is a place where new worlds and people await, with just a click of the mouse.

If you haven’t yet checked it out, I suggest you browse over to www.UrbanPrestige.com and have a look. They offer safety tips and advice and features that allow you to block unwanted others or flag a potential problem profile- so safety should not be a concern.

I think I’ll mosey over there myself for a while and maybe we will run into each other on one of the site’s many forums. Who knows, maybe I can find some great tips for keeping my most important resolutions for the coming year.