The Governor and The Call Girl
March 14th, 2008Many people are asking; “Why?” Why would a successful politician with a lovely wife and family, a promising career, and a squeaky clean record do such a thing? Why, Indeed… Words like arrogance, lust, and recklessness have been thrown around quite a bit. Reactions to Eliot Spitzer’s outing range from shock and disbelief to snickering and gleefulness- especially on Wall Street or any of the many circles where he made enemies as a onetime infamous prosecutor. Here in Washington DC and its close in burbs, the jokes and commentary started within a few hours after the story broke. As a relationship coach and psychotherapist, I heard from a number of media who wanted to get my take on what he was thinking, if he was thinking and WHY he did this to himself and those he loves. No one but the soon to be ex- Governor knows why- but I’m happy to offer my insights and explore some possibilities.
It WAS partly about sex. According to all the men I have discussed this with, and my own history of working with men who have sought out prostitutes- it is about mindless, reckless, anything-you-want sex. There is no emotional attachment, the woman’s needs/feelings are not part of the equation, and the man can have what he wants, the way he wants it- with no consequences. Or so the men who do this believe. As this situation illustrates so well- every act has consequences, and sometimes it’s just a matter of time.
It’s also about power and control- and we know Mr. Spitzer loves both of these. In this type of “relationship,” the woman is an object, a paid object who does as she is told and is then dismissed until the next time. It’s like that old saying; “He who pays the piper calls the tune.” Mr. Spitzer is married to a woman who is his equal and more. She is intelligent, educated and has input into their partnership, family and personal goals, etc. In a marriage, mutual feelings and needs must be considered, issues debated and compromises worked out. Not so with “Kristen.”
It could also be about a deeper compulsion, perhaps even a sexual addiction. Mr. Spitzer may have been seeking the high that comes from doing something forbidden and dangerous and getting away with it. His outwardly controlling nature may have been a mask for a compulsion that was buried deeply and for which he has few outlets. This way he could maintain his public face of happily married, decent and honorable family man and champion of all that is moral and good- yet act out the deep drives and desires that he knows would not be acceptable in his real life.
Whatever the reasons may have been, I can safely say what they were not. The Governor did not seek out call girls because Mrs. Spitzer is not attractive, loving, sexually available, or too intelligent, demanding, etc. I have already heard speculation to this effect- and it fuels those old myths that say it is somehow the woman’s fault- that if she were a better wife, partner, lover- he would not stray. This is not about her- it is about him. Yet the speculation is there and even some criticism has started going around because she stood up there with him when he admitted his transgressions and again when he resigned. Some people are wondering, “How could she, and why?” Perhaps it is because she is in shock and the full reality of what has happened and how long it has been happening has not hit her yet. Perhaps she is thinking about her children, and the effect all of this is having on them. Perhaps she loves him and believes that marriage is for better or worse- and she wants to ride out the worse and heal her marriage.
We should all ask ourselves honestly; “What would I do if it were my husband, lover?” If you can answer this easily, you are not thinking hard enough.
Want to see the latest? Go to:
http://uspolitics.einnews.com/news/spitzer-eliot
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