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Dear Dating Coach - April 2003So, Where DO You Meet Mr/Ms Right? Q. I'm getting so tired of the singles scene. I'm very frustrated because I'm an attractive, early thirties, educated female, who has difficulty meeting anyone suitable to date. I've got my profile on a couple of online dating sites, but have had a lot of disappointment with that. I go to singles events with friends, clubs after work or on Saturday night, and also go to a lot of parties hosted by friends and acquaintances. Yet, I almost never encounter suitable, AVAILABLE single men. Am I doing something wrong? Where are all the guys? A. This is a good question. Would you be at all surprised to hear that it comes up often? The whole answer would involve more time and space than this column allows. This is because it would require you to examine not only where to meet other singles, but to also look at the expectations and attitude you bring along and how these affect your presentation of yourself and the interactions you have with other (singles). However, I can address the question, WHERE are all the guys. The answer is so simple; it is often overlooked. They are all around you. You just haven't found the best places to encounter the kind of men you are seeking. Learning where to look will require you to do three things:
In order to meet compatible men, you need to go where men who share your interests and wants go. For example, if you have always loved hiking, and join a hiking club, you have a greater probability of meeting someone you are compatible with (when hiking). In addition, you are doing something that brings you fulfillment and pleasure. This will enhance your mental and physical health, which allows you to present your best self to others. Remember, "guys" are a lot like women (in some ways). They pursue things they enjoy. They also want to meet women who share their interests and have a similar life view. For men, these pursuits often involve sports and outdoor activity. So, these are great places to look if they are your passion as well, or if you've always had an interest in trying them. Q. I encounter a lot of single women at work, in clubs and at parties. They are usually with several of their friends, so approaching them can be difficult. They often appear aloof or uninterested in really meeting someone. They talk with their friends and seem unaware of the eye contact I try to make with them. If I approach them to speak, they are generally pleasant but again, I can't get a reading on how interested or available they may be. I'm hesitant, without some sort of signal, to ask for a number or a date. Where Do women go when they want to meet men? What signals do they give if interested? A. Women go to clubs, parties, singles events, etc. to meet men. Yes, they often go with at least one female friend, as this is more comfortable for them. That appearance of "aloofness" may be directly related to a concern that they not seem too aggressive or too eager. Some women are also very cautious around men they don't know because of safety concerns. While this may seem somewhat ridiculous, it is true for many females. Their approach is generally coy and subtle. If interested, they may smile or glance in your direction, then wait for you to make the first move. So make it. Make eye contact. Smile and say hi. Attempt to have an easy exchange of conversation with them. Then watch and listen for their response. Try not to jump to any conclusions before you have made that move, and she has had a chance to respond to it. If the woman is not interested she will not continue the interaction. She will directly or indirectly communicate that she is not available or just not interested. Pay attention to the non-verbal messages she sends. Give each situation a little effort and time. Don't let a fear of rejection keep you from connecting with women. Most importantly, if she isn't interested, handle it maturely and graciously. At the very least you will win respect- hers and yours.
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© copyright 2003, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
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Consum-mateSM
703-847-1768
toni@consum-mate.com