Consum-mate

The Art of Intimacy
A Newsletter for those seeking relationship help.

The value of the personal relationship to all things is that it creates intimacy
and intimacy creates understanding and understanding creates love. - Anais Nin

Welcome

Now that Labor Day has passed, the unofficial end of summer has come and gone. Not quite fall, yet not summer anymore. Kids are back in school, adults are back in force at work--and everyone is putting away the carefree attitudes and toys of summer. It's a kind-of in-between time, with shortening days, cooler temperatures, and a return to the old rhythms of life.

For some, this fall marks the ending to a summer they will never forget, one that they wish would last forever. Many of us have at least one of those summers tucked away in our heart and memories. That summer of intense (and often first) love, and the wrenching sense of loss when fall, and the need for good-byes inevitably came. But does it have to? Must all summer love be doomed to end when September comes?

This month's article will deal with this timely and enduring topic. Read on for my thoughts on how you can tell the difference between an intense and short-term love affair and the kind that has the potential to turn into something more.

We continue to update Consum-mate, and are always adding new articles, columns, and blogs. Make sure you check it out to see what is new and maybe just what you were looking for.

My dating and relationship articles offer a lot of free, useful information and practical advice. You can find these on the menu at the top of http://www.consum-mate.com/

Feel free to visit my media page at http://www.consum-mate.com/newsroom.htm where I keep an updated list of some of my media quotes. There are also many topics that l tweet about or mention on my Twitter and Facebook pages. If you want to check me out on Twitter, you can find me there at https://twitter.com/CoachToni

If you are looking for specific dating or relationship advice, you can find this on my page at: http://www.consum-mate.com/articleindex.php?s=c My columns and articles also run on Family Share at: http://familyshare.com/authors/toni Divorce Support Center at http://divorcesupportcenter.com/index.php/experts-h/783-toni-coleman-lcsw-cmc and Cupid's Pulse at http://cupidspulse.com/102918/relationship-advice-new-years-dating-resolutions/#

A special thanks to all of you for subscribing to this newsletter. Consider forwarding it to a friend or loved one seeking dating, relationship, or happier living advice; but please don't sign anyone up without their express permission.


Quote of the Month

"Swim in the sea
Go on road trips
Count the Stars
Find true love" --Unknown


Featured Article: Can your summer love become more than just a convenienceship or locationship?

Summer love is the stuff of poetry, Rom Coms, and romance novels. It's that perfect, unfinished love--the one that you will recall fondly and never quite forget. It is called summer love because the timing and geography line up for two people to meet, spend a lot of time together, and make that right connection--at least from May through August. Then Labor Day rolls around and those right circumstances change quickly with the weather. But do they have to? The following guidelines will help you to assess if your new love is just a locationship, or convenienceship, or if it has the potential to outlast the season or circumstances and become something more.



It was probably a locationship or convenienceship if your summer love:

* Avoided eye contact and maintained physical distance when relationship themed conversations came up

* Only wanted to spend time together when it was fun and easy, and required no real effort on their part

* Acted differently when you were alone together then when others were present

* Didn't like to talk to friends/family on the phone when you were within earshot

* Changed the subject when you began talking about something you would love to do together in the future

* Didn't share much about their real life/work/friends/family with you

* Was close-lipped about their post-summer plans

* Got defensive if you asked about/raised the issue of "what is next for us"

* Was always vague when the topic of staying in touch and furthering the relationship after summer came up


You may be on your way to a relationship if your summer love:

* Gave you their attention and joined in enthusiastically when you talked about renting that beach house next summer or attending your cousin?s wedding next year

* Openly shared career plans and future dreams with you

* Initiated discussions about meeting each other's friends and family

* Asked how you felt regarding the idea of being in a long distance relationship or relocating for one

* Was consistent in their affection and attention towards you--whether you were alone together or with others

* Used "we" rather than "I," especially when talking about future plans and dreams

* And you shared chemistry that went beyond the physical?you enjoyed friendship and intellectual stimulation too

* And you had enough common ground to help you envision your relationship working in the real world

* Has maintained regular contact since you parted ways or circumstances changed around labor Day


These same guidelines apply to any new connection that is formed outside of one's normal life--such as when you move somewhere to attend school with a plan to return home afterwards, are asked to work in another city or country for several months to a year, and/or when your job requires a lot of moving around and where you consider home is subject to change. In each of these circumstances you will be meeting new people and sometimes working/living in close proximity and spending long hours together. These circumstances can lead to an intense friendship, bonding or more--and even if you have a significant other somewhere else, you may be doubting that relationship in light of this new connection.

If the indicators demonstrate that your new interest wants something more and you feel the same way--timing and logistics will come into play. In other words, making it happen can present a number of challenges. However if both of you are committed to trying, anything is possible.


End Notes

Finding lasting love is a challenge in itself. Add to this the challenges of distance and bad timing, and it's no wonder many people choose to say god-bye to their summer love, regardless of how hard this may be at the time. However if two people have a strong connection and desire to try for something more, it is possible. There are many summer love stories with happy endings! If you think this could be you don?t wait. Let him or her know what you are feeling now and your desire to continue the relationship. Yes, you could face a hurtful rejection, but you will never know what might have been if you don't give it a try. If in retrospect you realize it was a locationship or convenienceship?then enjoy the memories and take what you learned to help you move forward and explore what else and better is out there for you.

If you would like more direct help with grieving your now gone summer love or turning it into a long-term relationship--email us at tonicolemanlcsw@gmail.com We have a lot of experience helping people to achieve relationship readiness, to attract their right kind of person, and to take the steps needed to build a lasting, successful union. Feel free to browse through Consum-mate.com and read the many columns, articles, quizzes and videos available there. We look forward to hearing from you and offering any assistance we can.




CONTACT INFORMATION

Toni Coleman, LCSW
Consum-mate.com
Phone: 703-847-1768
E-mail: Toni@consum-mate.com
Web: http://consum-mate.com

 


© Copyright 2008-2015 Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.

Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a web site.

Reprint permission will be granted, upon request, to student newspapers, universities, and other nonprofit organizations. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in altered or modified form.