Consum-mate

August 2016
In This Issue

Welcome

Quote of the Month

Featured Article: The six nonverbal signs that say he is interested

End Notes

Immerse yourself in dating and relationship news. Read the coach's "Relationship News and All That Blog.

The Art of Intimacy
A Newsletter for those seeking relationship help.

The value of the personal relationship to all things is that it creates intimacy
and intimacy creates understanding and understanding creates love. - Anais Nin

Welcome

Happy summer everyone--hope you have been having an enjoyable season. If you are of a certain age, you have probably been to at least one wedding this summer, given that this is a prime season for saying "I do." And though weddings are generally joyous affairs, they can be a landmine for a single person who has been on the sidelines waiting for her turn. For some women they provide motivation that can be directed towards rebooting their dating and relationship life. For those who are coupled but unmarried, it's often a time to reevaluate their relationship, which might seem as though it is heading nowhere or that they as individuals are wanting to go in different directions.

If you are single and frustrated with always being the Bridesmaid and/or guest at yet another friend's wedding--it may be time to try something new. After all, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results--well, you know. Therefore I thought that this was a good time to write about an often overlooked aspect to successful dating and relationships--the importance of nonverbal communication. For this month's article I am focusing on basic surefire signs that say he is interested--where you go from there will be up to you.

My website was redesigned, updated, and made mobile-friendly a while back. Make sure you check out my videos, articles, and any new blogs and columns that I have added.

My dating and relationship articles offer a lot of free useful information and practical advice. You can find these on the menu at the top of http://www.consum-mate.com/ I am always adding new things, so check back frequently. Feel free to visit my media page at http://www.consum-mate.com/newsroom.htm where I keep an updated list of some of my media quotes. There are also many topics that l tweet about or mention on my Twitter and Facebook pages. If you want to check me out on Twitter, you can find me there at https://twitter.com/CoachToni

If you are looking for specific dating or relationship advice, you can find this on my page at: http://www.consum-mate.com/articleindex.php?s=c My columns and articles also run on Family Share at: http://familyshare.com/authors/toni Divorce Support Center at http://divorcesupportcenter.com/index.php/experts-h/783-toni-coleman-lcsw-cmc and Cupid's Pulse at http://cupidspulse.com/102918/relationship-advice-new-years-dating-resolutions/#

A special thanks to all of you for subscribing to this newsletter. Consider forwarding it to a friend or loved one seeking dating or relationship advice; but please don't sign anyone up without their express permission.


Quote of the Month

"He smiled in a way that made me want to kiss him right on the spot. Or the lips. Whichever was closer." --Shannon Hale


Featured Article: The six nonverbal signs that say he is interested

There are many attractive, intelligent, professional, and very single women who are frustrated with their dating and relationship experiences. Many lament that all the men they find interesting are either taken or just not interested in them. They share stories of actively trying to meet compatible men, yet rarely making a real connection because the guys send out confusing/mixed messages, and/or don't take an active lead in dating-- which leads them to believe they just aren't that interested. However there is another possible explanation for their failure to connect that they have never seriously considered. Maybe they are not reading and interpreting his nonverbal signals correctly; and are therefore coming away with the completely wrong impression of what he is thinking and feeling. These nonverbal signals are contained in his posture, arm and hand movements, facial and eye expressions, and general attitude?and how consistently he uses them is a message all by itself. The following are 6 surefire signals that say he is interested and wants to pursue more.

* He makes eye contact more than once, then his eyes wander to your body

It's likely you have had the experience of making eye contact with a stranger. You may have been passing on a street, in the same aisle when shopping, or at a large gathering as you moved about through the crowd. It was probably random, fleeting, and forgotten immediately afterward. But what about those times it was an attractive guy? Were you wondering what he was thinking? When this happens again note how long he holds your glance and if his facial expression changes, even in the slightest. Then watch for him to glance a second or third time and if he does this and his eyes wander to the rest of you, you know you have his attention and at least some interest. The best response is to make eye contact, and offer a small smile. Do this at least twice, perhaps even when heading in another direction while looking back over your shoulder at him. This lets him know you have observed his interest and are returning it.

* He looks at your lips

When a man looks at your lips, he is fantasizing about kissing you. It is a definite sign of physical interest and attraction as the lips and mouth are one of the most sensual parts of our anatomy. A great response is to glance back at his lips--which will tell him you are curious about what it would be like to kiss him back. A lingering glance should trigger the next sign on this list.

* His nostrils flair

When attraction hits, a person's breathing pattern changes. Their pulse rate goes up and their breathing quickens. This will lead to a subtle but unmistakable nostril widening or flair. Therefore when you are making that eye contact, make sure to note any changes in his facial expression?especially in his nostrils.

* He moves physically closer and/or leans towards you

When someone is interested in you, they want to get up close and personal. If you spot an attractive guy or have your eye on someone in your social group, pay attention to his movement. Does he remain on the other side of the room, or do you see him edging closer, perhaps ending up a person or two away? If you are standing together in a group or it's just the two of you, notice his posture and if he leans back, remains straight up, or leans in your direction. If the latter is true, it signals his desire to get closer. In return, you can lean slightly towards him, making sure that your feet are pointed directly at him.

* He mirrors your body language

Have you ever observed a happy couple walking together? Often they are in lock step, swinging their arms back and forth in unison with one another. This is called mirroring, and it occurs when two people make a connection and feel comfortable with one another. When you are interacting with Mr. interesting, observe if and how much his posture, hand and leg movements, tone and pitch of voice, and facial and eye expressions mirror yours. If you are in sync on several of these, he is definitely enjoying himself and feeling into you.

* He self-touches

No, I don't mean that way. What I am referring to is when he touches his face, his lips, and his neck, pats his hair, rubs his eyes, strokes his chin, or crosses one arm in front and reaches up to squeeze or rub his shoulder. When he does this, it's a signal of self-consciousness about how he looks, and it's called displacement behavior.

Any one of these signs will signal interest, and when two or more are present you can assume you have his attention and it's a perfect time to make your move. You will be on the right track if you keep your focus more on what he does, rather than what he says, and if the two line up, this could be the beginning of something real.


End Notes

The dating world can be challenging and intimidating. There have been so many changes in society, role expectations, and even how and where we meet new people for dating and more. Too often folks feel kind of stuck, travelling in the same circles, attending the same events, hanging out with the same group of people--and utilizing the same dating strategies that have proven largely unsuccessful to them.

If this is you, it is time for a change. This month I am challenging you to begin familiarizing yourself with the language of nonverbal communication. It's a good bet you have some cursory knowledge of what it is, but at the same time your understanding may be limited to 2-3 signs or signals that unless interpreted within a certain context and usage, are generally misinterpreted and therefore not acted on or acted on incorrectly.

If you would like more direct help with using more effective nonverbal communication in dating or in your relationship--email us at tonicolemanlcsw@gmail.com We have a lot of experience helping people find, build, and maintain strong and fulfilling relationships. Feel free to browse through Consum-mate.com and read the many columns, articles, quizzes and videos available there. We look forward to hearing from you and offering any assistance we can.



CONTACT INFORMATION

Toni Coleman, LCSW
Consum-mate.com
Phone: 703-847-1768
E-mail: Toni@consum-mate.com
Web: http://consum-mate.com

 


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