WELCOME

The unofficial start of summer has arrived, and already the days are getting sticky and the nights are warm and enticing us out of doors. What a great time to get out of the house and out of your rut, as you seek out new adventures and (hopefully) a new love that will last long after those last leaves have fallen months from now.

Do you ever think about your childhood and teen-age summers? Do you remember that first love, first kiss and first heartbreak? There is SOMETHING about summer that brings back those memories. Perhaps it is because so many of our firsts occurred during those warm and carefree months…

I have had a number of female clients who have voiced regret over having overlooked or eventually rejected a "nice guy" somewhere in their dating past. With a new perspective brought by time and maturity, they wonder "what if" aloud with me. I can't help but wonder how many women are out there who share this regret- who perhaps chose the "bad boy" instead, and ended up alone and wishing they had known then what they know now.

This month's article was written to help women readers to stop and reflect on their choices now- so they don't end up with similar regrets later. Hopefully, this topic will also be of use to my male readers who just don't get why women don't seem to be attracted to nice guys. Read on as I explore the topic and provide some (hopefully) useful insights on this all too common issue.

If you need focused help dealing with a pattern of choosing the wrong guy, consider coaching. I offer assistance from one session up, depending upon your needs. Learn how to tune in to your instincts and follow them to a healthy and mutually committed relationship. You can view my services at: http://www.consum-mate.com/services.htm.

I also offer eclasses that provide tools for developing relationship readiness, more effective meeting and dating skills and productive and satisfying use of communication. These can be found on: http://www.consum-mate.com/eclasses.htm.

Want to jazz up your online profile, get feedback on what is working/not working in your approach, or have a new one written for you? Email Toni@consum-mate.com for details on how I can help.

If you are looking for articles that offer a lot of free dating help and advice, you can find these on: http://www.consum-mate.com/articles.htm. If you haven't clicked on our surveys, consider doing so. We are always looking for your input in order to provide what you need most. These can be found on:

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Whatever your relationship needs, we can help you to fulfill them at Consum-mate.

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QUOTE OF THE MONTH

"You're such a 'nice guy' means I'm going to be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you."
   - Chandler from Friends

FEATURED ARTICLE

Your friend tells you that she knows this really "nice guy" that she wants to fix you up with. She goes on to talk about some of his finer points, such as his thoughtfulness, generosity and a desire to meet a nice woman and eventually marry and have a family. Your first question goes something like this; "Just how bad looking/desperate is he?" Or perhaps, " If he's so great, why don't you date him?"

When did "nice" become synonymous with "geeky, loser, desperate, boring, ugly," etc? Perhaps it has to do with our cultural role models. Think Errol Flynn, James Dean, The Fonz, James Bond, Jack Sparrow, and actors Collin Farrell and Eddie Murphy- to name a few. What they have in common is that they are all dangerous, risk taking, unpredictable, elusive, aggressive, arrogant, macho- and irresistible to women. In a word, they evoke a feeling of "intensity"- which for many women, is mistaken for chemistry.

When we think of nice guys, adjectives like dependent, conservative, caring and predictable come to mind. We know that these are the marrying kind of guys, but there seems to be an underlying fear that life with them will be bland and colorless and lead to an addiction to romance novels or a steamy affair- in order to once again experience that incredible high that we get with "bad boys." Actually, looks and even first impressions can be very deceiving- and a potentially passionate and interesting guy could slip through your fingers and into the arms of a woman who knows what she wants and knows how to find it.

So, what is a girl to do if she is looking for a good potential mate, father and life partner- all wrapped in a package that exudes the right chemistry? She needs to approach each potential date with an open mind, and be careful not to judge the "book by its cover." Too often women (and men) dismiss someone based on very little knowledge of, or experience with him or her. They take one look, or worse- the person is described using positive (nice) adjectives, and they jump to the conclusion that they must be boring, boring, boring. Just think for a minute about all those "great" guys you know who are married. They seem to have all the qualities you are looking for- and are easy on the eyes and other senses as well. What did their wives know that you need to learn?

Once you have expanded your dating criteria to include nice guys- you will have opened up a whole new world of relationship possibilities. Open your eyes and notice that nice guy at the gym, grocery store, or bank. Offer a smile or exchange a few friendly words. When you are browsing online, stop at some ads you may have clicked past before. Read through the ad and between the lines and consider sending a wink or a nice email if something he said strikes a right chord in you.

Think about it, what have you got to loose if you open your heart and mind to those nice guys out there? Maybe you will waste some time or add a few more dating disasters to your list. Or maybe you will find a nice guy with the wit of Eddie Murphy, the looks of Collin Farrell, the wildness of Jack Sparrow, the dangerousness of James Bond, and/or the passion of Erroll Flynn – all wrapped around a loving, stable and mature center.  Really, what have you got to lose?

END NOTES

This month's article was written for all you women out there who could meet the "nice" guy of your dreams this summer (or year) and look right past him- lamenting your missed opportunity after it is too late. Open your heart to the possibility that he could come in a different kind of package- and be the greatest gift you were ever given.

If you would like to read my (related) article on bad boys, you can find it here:

http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/03aug.htm#feature

I'd love to hear your story if you find love with a "nice" guy. If so and you'd like to share it, email Toni@consum-mate.com

Please send any thoughts, comments about this topic to Toni@consum-mate.com