The Art Of Intimacy

A Newsletter For Searching Singles

                                             September 2006

WELCOME

Here in Northern Virginia, the end of summer was rather rainy- with frequent temperature changes that went from unseasonably high one day to very chilly the next. It seems that just when the body gets acclimated to one thing, it is required to re-adjust and re-balance itself to accommodate another change.

I'm reminded of how our lives mirror the natural world; as we move through the stages of change and growth that are necessary in order to successfully master the seasons and years ahead. For each of us, this task requires an original blueprint- one that reflects our strengths, needs and wants. In other words, we need to understand ourselves- from the inside out- and know what is right and wrong for us, as individuals. Be wary of any person, book, article or class that tells you there is one answer or one way to approach living your life and achieving your dreams. This is not so.

In order to help you in your quest to find your right relationship, I've written an article that will offer you some help with crafting your unique "dating elevator speech." Most likely you have practiced this skill for your work/career- but may never have thought about its usefulness to your personal goals- especially your search for a life partner. Read on for some useful tips that should get you started on creating this useful social tool.

If you need focused help with self-marketing for your dating (and online dating) life, consider coaching. I offer assistance from one session up, depending upon your needs. You can view my services at: http://www.consum-mate.com/services.htm.

I also offer eclasses that provide tools for developing relationship readiness, more effective meeting and dating skills and productive and satisfying use of communication. These can be found on: http://www.consum-mate.com/eclasses.htm.

Want to jazz up your online profile or get feedback on what is working/not working in your approach? Email Toni@consum-mate.com for details on how I can help.

If you are looking for articles that offer a lot of free dating help and advice, you can find these on: http://www.consum-mate.com/articles.htm. If you haven't clicked on our surveys, consider doing so. We are always looking for your input in order to provide what you need most. These can be found on:

http://www.consum-mate.com/survey.htm or http://www.consum-mate.com/site-survey.htm

Whatever your relationship needs, we can help you to fulfill them at Consum-mate.

A big thanks to all of you for subscribing to this newsletter. Consider forwarding it to a single friend or loved one who may be in need of some relationship building advice.

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

Effective self-promotion begins with knowing your best and most unique qualities- and ends with finding a creative and succinct way to express them to others.

-Toni Coleman

FEATURED ARTICLE: Your Dating Elevator Speech

It's Saturday night and you are out at yet another singles event. You felt some reluctance about signing up, but this one offered promise- a different crowd, nice venue and a convenient location. Two of your friends are meeting you, so at least the evening should not be a complete bust. It seems that you have done all the right things in order to maximize your opportunity to meet people, and always put a lot of effort into looking your best- so why do your efforts usually leave your feeling like a wallflower, with no prospects on the horizon. What are you doing/not doing?

There are many singles out there, looking for love. In their quest to meet compatible people- they often invest a great deal of time and money on their appearance and on finding and utilizing the resources available to help and enhance their search. These include everything from clothing, transportation and costs for their personal ad to self-help books, matchmakers and fees that cover the many singles events they attend. Many of these are necessary "expenses" that will increase one's probability of meeting Mr./Ms Right - however, an important aspect may be getting overlooked. First impressions are received through our two primary senses- visual and auditory- yet how we look often gets all the attention as folks forget about the importance of what and how they relate and communicate about themselves.

The missing piece is the "dating elevator speech." You are probably familiar with this concept as an "elevator speech" is a networking tool used in a professional context by those who have placed an importance on having an interesting and succinct way to describe their chosen career - and it must be brief enough to articulate in the time it takes to share an elevator ride with the listener.

The world of dating often places singles in situations that require they be able to get and hold that interesting someone's attention - yet only have two minutes or so to accomplish this before the moment (opportunity) has passed. You know, that cute guy or girl in front of you at the grocery store, riding on the metro, ordering a drink next to you at the bar, standing alone at the singles event, etc. Often you struggle to come up with something to say that comfortably gets their attention- but do you know how to showcase your positive traits and do it briefly? It may be easier than you think.

Begin by coming up with a list of your three most unique and positive characteristics. Avoid using just adjectives here. An example could be that you are a funny guy BECAUSE you are quick with the comebacks and known by your friends as the one who is always sure to offer comic relief in any tough situation. In other words, come up with an example for each trait you list- from funny, well educated and never boring to risk-taker, world traveler, certified scuba diver, pilot, etc. The key here is to heighten your own awareness of the traits you think most speak to who you are and what the other person should know about you. Once you have done this, you need to package it in a way that allows you to SHOW these traits to someone- not just recite them.

Woman sees cute guy standing alone at singles event, as room is quickly filling up. She has given careful thought to her dating elevator speech and with a clear awareness of what she wants to convey, approaches him. She walks over with confidence and an open and inviting manner, as she looks him in the eye and displays a warm smile. She uses her great sense of humor by making a tasteful joke about the place they are standing in, the food, the night's planned events, etc. Her humor is funny, generic, not self-deprecating and elicits a smile back from him, as he feels more at ease. He asks her the standard questions- her name, where she lives/works, how she know about the event, etc. After each, she gives a very brief, but interesting response and poses the same or similar question to him. He likes her smile, sees her sense of humor, finds her work and passions (1 or 2) interesting, and gets the sense that she is bright, confident and a good listener. How did she do this in a couple of minutes? She showed him her sense of humor; she projected an air of confidence and interest in him- and an ability to listen deeply and well. She offered brief and interesting highlights about her career and interests - things he could relate to or that wetted his appetite and left him wanting to know more. In other words, she delivered her dating elevator speech effectively- good enough to help her stand out in the sea of singles and lead to an exchange of numbers/emails and a tentative plan to get together again.

END NOTES

Today is a great time to begin crafting your elevator speech. It may be helpful to get some input on how others see you as a way to identify your most unique - and interesting - character traits. Don't wait- that right guy or woman could be standing in front of you in line tonight, or sitting next to you on the metro tomorrow morning.

If you feel you need real help with learning how to effectively present and express your true best self, consider coaching. We have years of experience in helping people to identify and articulate their strengths and highlight and present these in their dating life. Email Toni@consum-mate.com for details on how she can help.

IN THIS ISSUE

1. WELCOME
2. QUOTE OF THE MONTH
3. FEATURED ARTICLE: Your Dating Elevator Speech
4. END NOTES