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The Art Of Intimacy
A Newsletter For Searching Singles
April 2005
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The value of the personal relationship to all things is
that it creates intimacy and intimacy creates understanding and
understanding creates love.
Anais Nin
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| In This Issue |
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1. Welcome
2. Quote Of The Month
3. Featured Article: Love Could Be An Errand Away
4. Frequently Asked Questions
5. End Notes
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WELCOME |
I hope this newsletter finds all of you enjoying these
first few weeks of spring and looking forward to the warm season(s) ahead.
I love spring because it is the time for renewal, rebirth and new
beginnings. What a great metaphor for us all to embrace. After all, don't
we all seek to "begin again" at some point in our lives? What better time
than one in which nature calls to us and offers inspiration with great
outdoor weather and a desire to connect with the world around us.
This month's article was written with the themes of new beginnings and
emergence as my inspiration. After all, this is the best time of the year
to begin actively pursuing your relationship goals. Singles all around you
are coming out of hibernation and feeling motivated and energized to seek
new love. So, where are all these single people? Why, all around you of
course. Read on for some advice and tips on finding Mr/Ms Right in your
everyday life.
If you need real help with dating, consider coaching. We have a great
deal of experience in helping people meet, date and create healthy and
lasting relationships. Go to http://www.consum-mate.com/how.htm, for
details on how Consum-mate can help you. We also offer eclasses that
provide help with meeting, dating and effective relationship
communication. These can be found at:
http://www.consum-mate.com/eclasses.htm
If you are looking for articles that offer a lot of free dating and
relationship advice, you can find these on:
http://www.consum-mate.com/articles.htm Whatever you relationship
needs, we can help you to fulfill them at Consum-mate.
A big thanks to all of you for subscribing to this newsletter.
Consider forwarding it to a single friend or loved one who may be in need
of some relationship building help and advice.
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| QUOTE OF THE MONTH |
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These
men usually have jobs and bathe.
Rita Rudner
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FEATURED ARTICLE: Love Could Be An Errand
Away |
You have signed up on several large dating sites and
posted a great profile. So far, you've had some nice responses, but these
haven't led to a meeting yet. Someone told you about a singles group at
your church and there is an organization in your city for singles who want
to volunteer, and hopefully meet other like-minded people. You've lost
count of all the parties, happy hours and clubs you've been to, hoping to
meet compatible singles. Whew! It's a lot of effort just to be in the
right place at the right time with the right people.
Or is it?
In towns and cities everywhere there are single people (like yourself)
going about their daily lives. Schedules consist of long hours at work and/
or school, commuting, appointments, errands, leisure time
pursuits/activities and everything else that is part of the fabric of
one's existence. In the course of a day, the average person encounters
many strangers on the street, elevator, store, metro, etc. Have you ever
really thought about the possibility that Mr/Ms Right could be the person
behind you in line or across the aisle on the metro? If not, now is a good
time to raise your awareness and broaden your thinking on the subject of
how and where you can meet compatible singles. Armed with some newly
acquired skills, your next chance encounter could lead to a first date and
more. The following are areas to start building the expertise that will
help you to stand out and get the right kind of attention when an
attractive stranger comes into your sights.
* Always be prepared. You just never know, so you need to make that
extra effort before you rush out of the house. Take a quick look in the
mirror, comb your hair and change those (horrid) old sweats into a nice
pair of jeans. How you feel about yourself will be projected onto those
around you, and really - you do look like your mother in THOSE pants.
* Raise your general awareness of what and who is around you. Don't
walk with you head down, avoiding any eye contact. Try smiling at people
you pass on the street and offer a nice greeting or remark to the folks
who wait on you when you shop, do your banking, pick up your clothes at
the cleaners, etc. Take special note of strangers who appear to be single
and to have characteristics you seek and surreptitiously check to see if
that cute guy/girl is looking your way. If so, smile and say hello if it
feels appropriate to do so.
* Watch your body language. Along with holding your head up, remember
to keep those shoulders back and walk with a comfortable erectness. Have an
"open" posture. Don't wrap your arms around yourself as you stand or huddle
in a corner when waiting/standing in a line. The eyes say it all; so let
yours say "friendly." Communicate to others that you are approachable and
let them see that you are interested- if you are. What you don't say
speaks volumes.
* Learn to be a good flirt. Along with body language and
communicating interest with your eyes, you will probably need to smile and
have a few good lines available. Rule of thumb- only approach someone who
is reciprocating your interest through his or her non-verbal language.
Starting with a question is always a good move. Make it real,
non-threatening and impersonal. For instance, you are in a sandwich shop
grabbing lunch and you are standing in back of a very cute guy. "Excuse
me, have you ever tried the Italian sub here?" "It looks really good, but
I hate it when they add too much oil." Safe, easy to answer and very
open-ended. This allows the other person to share their experience with
the shop (or lack of) and to add any comments or ask a question of their
own. If they do, respond back with something that offers them the chance
to keep talking.
* Become a great conversationalist. Yes, anyone can master this. It's
about focusing on the other person, deeply listening and offering
interesting, upbeat thoughts and topics. With a stranger, keep it simple.
After the first exchange, ask them easy questions about themselves. Not
too personal or probing. "So, if you come here a lot to eat, you must
live/work nearby." "I've been here a few times, but don't think I've seen
you before." Or offer something about yourself. "I'm a vegetarian and this
is the best shop for meatless sandwiches that I have found." You get it -
safe, pleasant ways to ask about them, share about you and keep the
conversation going. "On nice days like this I often eat in the park down
the street- want to join me?"
* Use common sense and take precautions with any strangers. He's very
cute, but so was Ted Bundy. Never give out your home number, address or any
personal information to someone you have just met "on the street." Most
people completely understand and agree with this kind of caution and would
not be offended if you explained your need to only give a first name, work
phone number or an email address. If this first meeting leads to an offer
to get together again, accept by all means if it feels right. But plan to
meet in a public place until you have more information about them. Once
you have had a few meetings/dates, you can exchange home phone numbers and
more personal information.
* Close the deal. So, you two have been standing in line and talking
while your sandwiches were being made. You are very interested and don't
want to just say good-bye. What can you do? You can reiterate that you eat
here a few times a week and tell them that you hope to see them on
Wednesday at around noon. You can pick up on something they might have
shared such as their participation on their workplace sponsored softball
team. " My team will be playing on the mall on Sunday at 4, when do you
guys play?" Perhaps we will play opposite each other and can talk after
the game." Of course, there's always the suggestion of eating your
sandwiches together at that park down the street...
Joining singles clubs and groups, posting personal ads and/or doing
volunteer work are all great ways to try to connect with compatible,
available singles. However, they are not the only way. Many great loves
started from chance meetings in the couple's everyday world. So, get out
there, really mingle and open your mind to the possibility that when you
go around the next corner you will come fact to face with Mr/Ms Right.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
4. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q. I am an attractive, professional, 30 something female who has
everything going for her BUT a boyfriend. I cannot seem to meet any nice,
compatible guys who are available and also interested in me. I have joined
groups, attend church functions, do volunteer work and go to parties and
happy hours till I could scream. Where are all the guys?? What am I doing
wrong? I am ready to give up and get a dog.
A. Don't give up just yet. You sound like you are truly open to
finding a relationship and are willing to put some effort into it. This
alone increases your probability of success. The problem may not be that
there are no available, willing men. It may be that you have myopia and
can't "see" the ones who are all around you as you go about your daily
life.
You didn't say anything about your work environment or where you shop,
hangout and recreate (except parties, bars and organized functions.) Maybe
you have your mind (and eyes) closed to the idea that single, interesting
men could be just an aisle or seat or block away as you go about living
your daily life.
My advice? Start seeing your whole environment as a fertile
meeting/dating ground. Leave your house always prepared to bump into, sit
or stand next to Mr. Right. Walk with an open posture and smile at people
passing by. Strike up conversations with pleasant strangers that
circumstances place around you. Notice any interesting men and check to
see if they are noticing you back. If someone looks like a candidate, do
smile, say hi and/or ask a safe, easy and not too personal question. Offer
surface information about yourself and see if they pick up on anything.
Whatever you do, don't sit and wait for them to make the first move and
then regret later that you let the opportunity pass.
There ARE guys out there who are hoping to encounter Ms. Right. Keep
you eyes open seize the moment. Love could be a trip to the grocery store
away.
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| FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS |
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Q. I am an attractive, professional, 30 something
female who has everything going for her BUT a boyfriend. I cannot seem to
meet any nice, compatible guys who are available and also interested in
me. I have joined groups, attend church functions, do volunteer work and
go to parties and happy hours till I could scream. Where are all the
guys?? What am I doing wrong? I am ready to give up and get a dog.
A. Don't give up just yet. You sound like you are truly open to
finding a relationship and are willing to put some effort into it. This
alone increases your probability of success. The problem may not be that
there are no available, willing men. It may be that you have myopia and
can't "see" the ones who are all around you as you go about your daily
life.
You didn't say anything about your work environment or where you shop,
hangout and recreate (except parties, bars and organized functions.) Maybe
you have your mind (and eyes) closed to the idea that single, interesting
men could be just an aisle or seat or block away as you go about living
your daily life.
My advice? Start seeing your whole environment as a fertile
meeting/dating ground. Leave your house always prepared to bump into, sit
or stand next to Mr. Right. Walk with an open posture and smile at people
passing by. Strike up conversations with pleasant strangers that
circumstances place around you. Notice any interesting men and check to
see if they are noticing you back. If someone looks like a candidate, do
smile, say hi and/or ask a safe, easy and not too personal question. Offer
surface information about yourself and see if they pick up on anything.
Whatever you do, don't sit and wait for them to make the first move and
then regret later that you let the opportunity pass.
There ARE guys out there who are hoping to encounter Ms. Right. Keep
you eyes open seize the moment. Love could be a trip to the grocery store
away.
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END NOTES |
This issue was designed to help singles broaden their
beliefs regarding good ways to meet other singles. It should also provide
relief to the many singles who are putting in long hours at work and who
have limited time for groups and structured activities that are designed
to bring singles together. So, get out there and look around you. Love is
definitely in the air.
If you would like more help and advice on developing or implementing
your relationship plan, contact Toni@consum-mate.com. Also check out my
popular eclasses designed to help you successfully meet, date and relate
to Mr/Ms Right. You can find these on:
http://www.consum-mate.com/eclasses.htm Don't let this season slip away
without taking advantage of all the fun ways that are now available all
around you to meet compatible (and ready for a relationship) singles.
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Contact
Info: |
Toni Coleman, LCSW
PO Box 7206
McLean, VA 22101
Consum-mate.com
Phone: 703-847-1768
E-mail: Toni@consum-mate.com
Web: http://consum-mate.com
©Copyright 2002-2005, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted, but you may
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Reprint permission will be granted, upon request, to student
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written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in
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