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The Art Of Intimacy
A Newsletter For Searching Singles
November 2004
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The value of the personal relationship to all things is
that it creates intimacy and intimacy creates understanding and
understanding creates love.
Anais Nin
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In This Issue:
1. Welcome
2. Quote Of The Month
3. Featured Article: Getting a Date For The Office Holiday Party
4. Frequently Asked Questions
5. End Notes
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WELCOME |
As I prepare to send out this newsletter, it is three
weeks before Thanksgiving. It seems the world around us has begun to gear
up for this holiday season. What about you? Have you made your plans for
turkey day? Given that this is the busiest travel time of the year,
thinking ahead can really add to your quota of fun and relaxation. After
all, getting stuck in hours of traffic or long lines at the airport or
train station will cut into your quality time with loved ones and/or
friends. Most importantly, as a single person you have to juggle all the
details yourself and make sure things at work and your home are covered if
your plans do include travel. If you have any thoughts about not
celebrating or just ignoring this holiday, please reconsider. It is a
ritual that symbolizes the importance of coming together with those you
love and sharing the good things (and hard ones) that the year has
brought.
This is also the time of year when many businesses are planning their
holiday parties. These are generally held in early December. Every year I
get emails or hear directly from folks that they dread this event. Why?
Finding a date can be so hard if they are not in a relationship.
Therefore, singles often struggle with the choice of whether to attend or
not, and how they will handle being dateless if they do go. Others are
looking for ways to find a date because they are determined not to go solo
again this year. If you have an office holiday party in your future and
don't yet have a date, read on for some timely thoughts and tips.
You may find my article on handling the holiday helpful. It can be
found on: http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/03nov.htm#feature
If you need real help with finding a date for your office party or
learning to become a successful dater all year long, consider coaching. We
have a great deal of experience in helping people meet, date and create
healthy and lasting relationships. Go to
http://www.consum-mate.com/how.htm, for details on how Consum-mate can
help you. We also offer eclasses that provide help with meeting, dating
and effective relationship communication. These can be found at:
http://www.consum-mate.com/eclasses.htm
If you are looking for articles that offer a lot of free dating and
relationship advice, you can find these on:
http://www.consum-mate.com/articles.htm Whatever you relationship
needs, we can help you to fulfill them at Consum-mate.
A big thanks to all of you for subscribing to this newsletter.
Consider forwarding it to a single friend or loved one who may be in need
of some relationship building help and advice.
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| QUOTE OF THE MONTH |
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"If you are single there is always one thing you should
take out with you on a Saturday night... your friends."
"Carrie" from "Sex And The City"
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FEATURED ARTICLE |
Getting A Date For The Office Holiday Party
The memo went out a few weeks ago. Your company is planning a big bash
at a really nice place downtown. The food and music will be great and the
air festive. So, why are you racking your brains for a way to bow out
gracefully? Perhaps you can be away or maybe a family or other emergency
can be invented? Anything seems better than coming dateless once again to
the office holiday party. Or, maybe, you can still find a date...
If you are among the many singles that have come to dread this season
opener, you may be in need of a little support and advice on handling this
yearly ritual. Let's begin with your list of options:
* Attend without a date
* Politely decline in advance, saying you will be away during that
time
* Decline because you have to attend another event you have already
committed to
* Come up with a last minute family or other emergency
* Find a date
You first task is to decide which one of these options is best for
you. My guess is that most of you will be choosing either going dateless
or finding a date. After all, it is your party and you really would like
to go, if only...
If your choice is to go dateless, you are probably focused on what
others may think (dateless again?), or how you will feel being without a
date when "everyone" else has one. We all know that there really is
nothing you can do about what others may think. However, how you approach
a solo evening is up to you. Begin with planning in advance who you will
be spending the most time with. Yes, you will "do the rounds", but you
will want to make sure you are seated for dinner with co-workers you will
have the most fun with. Perhaps you can plan something earlier in the day
with good friends. Shopping, an early movie or a tree trimming party would
help make the day an enjoyable one, regardless of your dateless evening.
Or, you can cut the office party short and meet up with friends for a late
movie, live music, etc. Either way, you are guaranteed some easy play and
relaxation with friends.
If you want to attend your party with a date, it's time to get busy
and creative. Work through the usual list of ways to find a date first.
These generally include:
* Asking a good friend
* Asking an acquaintance
* Asking friends if they know of anyone who would be open to attending
a nice party as your date
* Asking a relative, neighbor
If none of these are workable options, consider something new and
creative. What about one of these?
* Put a line in your personal ad letting people know you are looking
for a date for this event. A pre-planned, pre-paid date may be interesting
and eye-catching.
* Place a free personal ad in your local paper describing your right
office party date type. Include date only, with details to follow.
* Consider offering a swap in the above two. I'll go to yours if you
go to mine.
* Log onto craigslist.com and post a notice, again giving only the
date and area. Details will follow if a good candidate responds.
Would you be surprised to know that there are many singles like
yourself looking for compatible people to go to parties and events with?
There are also many folks who are new to an area, recently out of a
relationship, etc. who are looking for friendship or someone to share
interests with. The trick is in finding people who would be compatible
with you and your interests. As long as you follow the usual rules of
screening and safety, these options could be fun and could lead to a nice
evening, a new friend, a potential love or all of the above.
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| FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS |
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Q. I am a very attractive 30's female. I have been
working for the same company for over 7 years. I like my job and have
friends there with whom I socialize. However, my dating life has been a
source of frustration for me. I rarely meet men that I am interested in
that feel the same way. Therefore, I rarely date. I have heard from work
friends that I have been the subject of conversation regarding my
unattached status. I almost never discuss it with anyone there, and feel
that some people even wonder about (and discuss) my sexual orientation. I
am straight.
My office Holiday party is in a few weeks. I have never had a date. I
have considered not going, but this would not be viewed as ok. Yet, I fear
it will be hard to deal with any questions, looks, etc. when I go solo (as
usual). Is there a better way to handle this? What do other singles do?
A. You are not alone. This is a subject that comes up a lot at this
time of year. To begin with, you have no control over what anyone might
think about your dating/relationship life. The people who are your friends
know what you are all about, and probably do what they can to dispel those
kinds of rumors. Fortunately, this kind of gossip is generally short
lived, especially when it is unfounded.
You have a choice to make here and it should be based on what YOU
really want to (and need to) do for yourself. If not going feels right,
then that is what you should do. However, if you believe it is frowned
upon and will create problems for you, either at work or in your
relationships with co-workers and supervisors, then focus on how you can
make going an ok choice for yourself. A few thoughts:
* Make the whole day festive. Plan to do something relaxing and fun
earlier in the day with friends. You can go shopping for gifts as a group
and break for lunch or a movie, or both. How about a tree trimming party
at your place? You and a few friends could bake holiday treats, listen to
music and just enjoy the day together. Or, you could cut the office party
short and meet up with friends for a late movie, live music or a later
party. By planning a day that includes guaranteed fun for you, the office
party will not be the focus and you feel less anxious about the whole
experience.
* PLAN to go the office party with single co-workers or ones that you
really enjoy who are coupled. If you feel comfortable doing so, share your
feelings in advance about being dateless. Knowing how you feel will give
them an awareness of your need for inclusion in the conversation and
activities of the evening. Make sure you dress nicely and try to look your
best. Consider pampering yourself with a manicure or massage beforehand.
Remember this party is for you too. Who knows, you could have a truly nice
time.
* Consider being one of the party planners. If you have a role in the
planning or running of the party, this will help you to move around, talk
to a lot of people and stay very involved in everything that is happening.
It would certainly make the evening more interesting and help you push away
any thoughts about being dateless.
Lastly, make a promise to yourself that you will make some
relationship building goals. Then create a plan that works for you. Next
year you could be bringing Mr. Right to your office holiday party.
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END NOTES |
If you are one of the many dateless singles who have an
office holiday party to attend soon, this issue was designed with you
especially in mind. If you are determined to find a date, begin now. With
a little courage, luck and determination you could be successful. Whatever
your decision may be, resolve to have a good party or a good day that
brings you some holiday cheer.
If you would like more help and advice on this or any other
relationship issue, contact Toni@consum-mate.com. Don't let this season
pass you by without taking concrete steps towards building the
relationship you desire.
Have a happy turkey day!
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Contact
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CONTACT INFORMATION
Toni Coleman, LCSW
PO Box 7206
McLean, VA 22101
Consum-mate.com
Phone: 703-847-1768
E-mail: Toni@consum-mate.com
Web: http://consum-mate.com
©Copyright 2002-2004, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted, but you may
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Reprint permission will be granted, upon request, to student
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