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The Art Of Intimacy
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April 2004
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WELCOME
Springtime!
What a great season. This is the time we shed the heaviness of winter. The days are longer, warmer and brighter. Suddenly, we have this desire to be outdoors basking in the new life coming up all around us.
What a great time of year to get out and meet new people while engaging in activities that both interest you and offer you the opportunity to meet like-minded singles. This month's article contains suggestions and ideas to help you find new, enjoyable and hopefully, FRUITFUL pursuits for the season ahead. Now is a great time to begin checking out the resources and opportunities that are available in your area.
If you need some real help with relationship building, consider coaching. With the right help and support you can achieve your goal of a healthy, lasting relationship. We also have e-classes available online that cover such topics as relationship readiness, how to meet and date compatible singles, designing a relationship plan, and how to communicate effectively in relationships. Whatever your issue may be, you can find these classes at:
http://www.consum-mate.com/eclasses.htm
Thanks you all of you who have filled out our online surveys. Some of the questions we receive are answered in our Dear Dating Coach Column. This can be found at: http://www.consum-mate.com/ask.htm. We will also be addressing more of these in the future on a new feature we are creating for Consum-mate.
Thank you for subscribing to this newsletter. A special thanks to all of you who have forwarded it to a single friend or loved one.
QUOTE OF THE MONTH
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
FEATURED ARTICLE:
Do It And They Will Come: Pursuing New Adventures To Find Mr./Ms. Right
Are you tired of the whole dating scene? Have you spent many hours (years) going to parties and events with the hope of meeting compatible and available singles? If so, now may be time to think about doing something different. Really different.
After all, we tend to move about socially in the same close-knit circles. The same guys/women at a friend's party or at the functions held by our church or synagogue. Even the happy hour crowd can become all too familiar. Don't despair. There are lots of new and exciting ways to meet people if you are willing to do a little local research and are game for some new adventures.
Before I get into the specifics, I need to emphasize the importance of having a basic plan. Primarily this involves a budget for time and money investment. It also requires that you really think about what would meet YOUR needs, as you get ready to commit to some new leisure activities and interests.
A good way to start is to spend a little time thinking about those things you always wanted to try or to learn about. For instance, have you had a desire to try hiking, biking, swimming or other athletic pursuits? What about something a little more exotic like caving, skydiving or scuba? Perhaps cultural pursuits are more to your liking, but you don't know anyone you can share these with. If so, you may feel uncomfortable or just not interested in going out and doing them alone.
With some ideas in mind, (or maybe no specific list), you are ready to begin to gather information about local available resources.
Major metropolitan areas are rich in singles events. These are hosted by for profit companies as well as singles groups/clubs that are affiliated with religious and other private organizations. You can begin your search by looking through local newspapers and checking out the listings with you county, city or community center. A web search is also a great way to gather information. Just use keywords that include singles, activities, events, and the name of your local metropolitan area. If you live in an outer, less populated area, don't give up. Look into what is available in the nearest large city. Also, note the trips for singles that allow you to meet people from around the country.
Once you have identified regional and local groups and organizations, begin to go through all their listings. Be open to hearing/reading about everything that is available. This process can give you a lot of ideas and will let you know what all your choices are. The list can be almost overwhelming! Many singles are searching for new adventures and this has led to an explosion of activities and events being offered.
The following is a "rough" list of what you may find:
After you have made your picks, check to see that you can work them into your schedule and budget. Remember, as you make your final selection(s), that this is supposed to be FUN for you. Choose something that you believe you would enjoy and that would be basically within your ability to participate in. (i.e.) If you are terrified of heights, avoid skydiving.
Keep in mind that challenging athletic pursuits tend to bring out the (true) best and worst sides of us all. Not only will you give yourself an experience that can help you develop greater confidence and self-esteem, you will also learn more about yourself and how you relate to others. This will be true of the other participants as well. Therefore, you will get a much more candid snapshot of the singles you meet during these activities/events. You will also maximize your opportunity to meet like-minded singles, who share at least one of your interests.
So, pull some of those old dreams or recent fantasies out of mothballs. Let yourself play. Along the way you just may find a new favorite passion, a great friend or new love.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q. I'm a single (attractive) female in my mid-thirties. I have experienced a lot of dating frustration over the past 6 or 7 years. My biggest problem is finding appropriate people to date. Occasionally I meet people at parties or happy hour, etc. Sometimes it leads to a date. Often, we just seem to somehow "miss" an opportunity. An interest may appear to be there, we flirt, but it leads nowhere. I know there can be many reasons for this, but it seems hard to get to talk to people and actually exchange phone numbers, etc. WHERE are the GOOD places to meet people? It seems everyone is so busy and works all the time or that the old ways of meeting people just don't work anymore. I have tried the Internet, but usually this goes nowhere or I meet someone and they are not as they described or we just don't have the right chemistry. It seems that no one I would be interested in is ever out there. ANY suggestions would be helpful.
A. As you can imagine, this is a fairly common question. Let me begin my answer by saying that there are many people out there who are looking for relationships- real relationships. Finding them may require some new thinking and action on your part. Clearly, it's time for you to try something DIFFERENT. If you are open to this, the results could really surprise you.
It appears that you live in a major city or area that has a large population of singles. This will make it much easier for you to find new resources for meeting the right people. Begin with a search of local minor and major newspapers. Check for any listings of activities/events for singles to participate in. If you belong to a church, synagogue, etc., find out about any activities for singles that may be available. Once you have done this, go online. Type in keywords such as singles, activities, events, and then your geographical area. You should find several listings of regional/local clubs, organizations or even private companies that sponsor events, classes, volunteer opportunities, social outings, sports leagues, etc.
As you gather this information, begin to think about how you would like to use your leisure time. If you are into sports, focus on those. If you have always wanted to try something more adventurous, look for activities such as scuba, skydiving, kayaking, rock climbing, etc. If you are interested in cultural pursuits, there should be many of these available. The KEY thing is to choose based on what fits you and your interests, abilities and pocketbook.
Once you have identified one or two, contact the sponsor. Get the details and make a commitment to at least one thing.
By participating in something that interests you and challenges you, you will not only open yourself up to new personal growth, you will also put yourself in situations where singles like yourself can be found. Challenging play brings out the best (and worst) in everyone. It tends to lead to healthy bonding, teamwork and friendship. What a great basis for any kind of new relationship. You will get to experience people in many dimensions- not just the limited context of a party or a bar.
If you want different results- do something different! That is the answer.
END NOTES
This month's newsletter was designed to help you jump start a successful meeting and dating life. After all, if you keep doing what you have been doing, you will probably continue to get the same results. So, get out there and spread your wings by trying something new. If you need some extra help and guidance with meeting and dating, contact Toni@consum-mate.com. Coaching can help you to get those desired results! Also, check out our articles on successful meeting, dating and relating. These can be found at: http://www.consum-mate.com/articles.htm
RESOURCES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Toni Coleman, LCSW
Consum-mate.com
Phone: 703-847-1768
E-mail: Toni@consum-mate.com
Web: http://consum-mate.com
© Copyright 2004 Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved. Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information.
Reprint permission will be granted, upon request, to student newspapers, universities, and other nonprofit organizations. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in altered or modified form.
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© copyright 2003, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
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Consum-mateSM
703-847-1768
toni@consum-mate.com