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The Art Of Intimacy
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November 2003
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WELCOME
It’s almost that time of year again - the holiday season. The next few months will be filled with an emphasis on home, family and intimate connecting.
As a single person, you may be anticipating the holidays as a time of feeling out of place or perhaps not in sync with the excitement and events that will be occurring all around you.
If so, NOW is the time to begin planning for a holiday that will meet YOUR needs and allow you to experience the feelings of intimacy and oneness with others that seem to be out of your reach at the present time.
This month’s article will offer tips on creating a holiday plan. By starting now, you can help to shape the events that occur in your life over the next few months. What a great way to end this year and bring in the new one.
Thanks to all of you who have subscribed to The Art of Intimacy, and who have referred us to your friends. You have thousands of fellow subscribers. Thanks also to all of you who have filled out the site survey and/or sent in a response to our questionnaire. We will be providing a steady flow of feedback after the New Year. Stay tuned.
If you have any singles on your holiday gift list, check out
http://consum-mate.com/eclasses.htm for a great gift idea.
QUOTE OF THE MONTH
Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.
FEATURED ARTICLE: Giving Thanks: A Holiday Plan For Singles
Is it almost the holiday season already? Another year has passed and here you are, anticipating what…?
Do you approach this “season of joy” with a feeling of dread or at the very least, with the thought of “just getting through it”?
Do these experiences sound familiar?
If you can relate to any of the above, it’s time to begin planning for a better holiday season. After all, this is a time for everyone, regardless of his or her marital state.
The following tips are offered to help you design a holiday experience that is right for you. After you read through them, put your plan into place as soon as possible.
1. Begin by taking some time to reflect on what is meaningful to you. Specifically, what experiences would be most valuable to you during this time?
Some examples of this are:
As you look at your list, prioritize each according to its importance. Then go over your schedule and block out a realistic and appropriate amount of time for them. It is important to get your plans in place early. Call family, friends and others to arrange for visits and social events. Be specific. Check out opportunities around you to volunteer some time to others in need, if this is something you want to do.
Make sure you leave time for rest, relaxation and decompression. If you need catch up time, put it in the schedule.
If you don’t do any planning, chances are that the holiday will follow its usual pattern, and leave you feeling how…?
2. Make a decision to take good care of yourself over the holidays. Here are some basic dos:
3. Focus on what is good in your life NOW.
It’s hard to give thanks if all we see are the things that are problematic or missing. Make a list of your achievements, strengths, assets and other positives. Say a few words of appreciation each day; in whatever way you do this. Giving thanks can be a powerful experience that shifts your feelings and outlook away from the negative, provides hope for the future and raises incentive for making the changes you desire.
Chances are that many (most) years, you reflect on last year’s holidays while wondering what next year could be like. Remember that the decisions you make today and the actions you take, will help determine your level of personal satisfaction and achievement in the future. Since you will most likely attract the kind of person you project yourself to be, your positive feelings and behavior should bring you closer to the relationship you seek.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q. I know this sounds selfish, but I'm feeling some resentment just at the thought of the holidays this year. My sibs (who are married with kids), and I spend the bulk of the holidays at our parents' house. It seems that because I'm "the single one", it's expected that I have plenty of time and flexibility that no one else has. I clean, cook, help out with the kids and generally get the couch or some other open place to sleep, because I "don't need the privacy".
I love my family and enjoy the kids. I just don't like the feeling of being second class because I'm single. Do I need an attitude adjustment? Any suggestions?
A. I've heard this before. You are not alone. Unfortunately, single people are often seen as having more time and control over their schedule. The reality is that you are very busy too. You have different responsibilities and demands. not less.
You will not have much success trying to change the view of the married people in your life. Therefore, you need to change what YOU are doing.
Begin by looking at the amount of time you spend with family. This includes getting to and from your parents' home. Can you arrive later and leave earlier and still get to bask in the intimacy and sharing to be had? Altering when you travel may also result in less time and stress for you.
Secondly, make sure you schedule time for socialization with friends and other single adults during each holiday. This can include dinners out, parties, or quiet sharing at home. Because this is a season, you have the space to pepper in activities that will help you to feel intimately connected with others who share a similar lifestyle and needs.
END NOTES
This issue was designed to help singles make a holiday plan that addresses their needs and allows them to participate more fully and joyfully during this “season of family”.
Begin now to plan for a happy and fulfilling holiday!
If you need assistance in planning for your holiday, contact Toni@consum-mate.com. Feel free to email me with questions related to this topic. I select the topics most asked about for use in my "Ask The Coach" column.
RESOURCES
Suzanne Falter Barnes has just released her long awaited second book, Living Your Joy; A Practical Guide to Happiness, and it’s simply a must-read for anyone who’s got a dream.
Living Your Joy; A Practical Guide To Happiness effectively answers the one question we all have; how to make a living doing what you love. Suzanne says her goal with the book is to help people overcome their biggest barriers to living their dream: finding the time, the energy, and the money to make it happen. If you've read her first book, How Much Joy Can You Stand, you know she delivers powerfully.
In Living Your Joy, you'll learn some really great tips and strategies for making that leap to the work of your dreams. Suzanne shows you:
Falter-Barnes is a winning role model for this approach, having made the transition from corporate drone to critically acclaimed three-time author, successful web entrepreneur, and national motivational speaker and seminar leader, not to mention wife and mother of two!
CONTACT INFORMATION
Toni Coleman, LCSW
Consum-mate.com
Phone: 703-847-1768
E-mail: Toni@consum-mate.com
Web: http://consum-mate.com
© Copyright 2003 Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved. Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information.
Reprint permission will be granted, upon request, to student newspapers, universities, and other nonprofit organizations. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in altered or modified form.
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© copyright 2003, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
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Consum-mateSM
703-847-1768
toni@consum-mate.com