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The Art Of Intimacy
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May 2002
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WELCOME
Thanks to all of you who have subscribed to The Art of Intimacy; a free, monthly e-mail newsletter for singles trying to create lasting intimate relationships. The subscription list continues to grow thanks to all of you. A special thanks if you have forwarded this newsletter to a friend or acquaintance.
QUOTE OF THE MONTH
If you miss love, you miss life.
FEATURED ARTICLE: IS THERE ROOM IN YOUR LIFE FOR A RELATIONSHIP - ACHIEVING BALANCE
Are you described as a workaholic by others? Do you have a schedule that fills 16 hours a day with work and "must do" personal tasks? Do you feel too tired or just too overwhelmed to even think about dating or even scheduling social time out with friends? Do dating or trying to meet someone seem like a low priority, since the time and energy they take never seem to return your investment with desired results? Are you just too busy with more important things at this time in your life?
If you answered yes to any of these questions; it is probably time for you to take a break from your busy life and reflect on how well your needs and wants (in general) are being met. Do you feel satisfied with your friendships and social supports? Does it feel like something is missing? Do you have thoughts that reflect on things not being as you thought they would be? Do you look around you at others' relationships and wonder why it isn't just happening that way for you? Do you feel sad, envious and hopeless about your chances for a long term, committed relationship? Do you feel like you are trying so hard to do everything right (the way you were taught), but are just "not happy".
Chances are that you answered yes to a number of these questions. If so, your answers point to a lack of balance in your life. You probably have work that fulfills you, and most likely the financial security that results from success in work; so your basic needs in this area are being addressed. But what about your requirements for love, companionship, sharing and true intimacy? Where are these being addressed? Without these, you will never be fully complete and able to experience the joy that results from intimate connectedness with others.
Putting your life into balance will require making conscious decisions about prioritizing your use of your available time, energy and other resources. For instance, you will need to set limits on the amount of time you spend at work and on household and other "necessary" tasks. You will need to learn to ask yourself if this really is a priority. You must learn to plan and schedule down time, time out with friends and time to create new and rewarding interests and relationships.
Once you have learned to do this, you will open yourself up to ALL that life has to offer.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q. With my tight schedule; how do I know what kinds of activities/ interests I should pursue in order to address my needs and provide me with what is neccessary to achieve my relationship goals?
A. Begin with a "visioning" exercise. Close your eyes and imagine your life if it had balance? What do you enjoy doing? Do you wish you had more friends/acquaintances? What kind of person are you interested in dating? Where might you meet someone like that? What activities really interest you the most? Where might you go to pursue or seek out something of interest? Listen to your heart and use your instincts. These will set you on the right path.
Q. How do I know when I am avoiding going out because it's something that just doesn't interest me, as opposed to some "hidden" fear or other issue that is causing me to sabotage myself?
A. Examine your feelings. Are these people you enjoy? Is this something you are interested in doing? Might you meet some new friends or potential dates? Are you resistant because you have done this kind of thing before and it didn't work out? Or are you telling yourself that you NEVER have a good time when you go to parties, sports events, etc. Pay attention to the little voice inside of you.
END NOTES
This issue was designed to help you to take a first step towards creating a balanced and fulfilling life. This of course involves both success in work and in your relationships. Hopefully you found the suggestions and questions useful as you examined your particular needs and wants.
Wherever you are in the process of finding and creating your perfect intimate relationship; you may feel the need for guidance, feedback and support. Toni offers a free "lets see what this is like" session to help you decide if the coaching path is right for you.
Send Toni an email at toni@Consum-mate.com and begin your journey to your lasting intimate relationship.
CONTACT INFORMATION
Toni Coleman, LCSW
Consum-mate.com
Phone: 703-847-1768
E-mail: toni@Consum-mate.com
Web: http://consum-mate.com
© Copyright 2002 Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved. Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted; but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a web site.
Reprint permission will be granted, upon request, to student newspapers, universities, and other nonprofit organizations. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in altered or modified form.
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© copyright 2002, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
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Consum-mateSM
703-847-1768
toni@consum-mate.com