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The Art Of Intimacy
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August 2002
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WELCOME
Thanks to all of you who have subscribed to The Art of Intimacy, a free, monthly e-mail newsletter for singles trying to create lasting intimate relationships.The subscription list continues to grow thanks to all of you. A special thanks if you have forwarded this newsletter to a friend or acquaintance.
QUOTE OF THE MONTH
Learn what you are and be such. - Pindar
FEATURED ARTICLE: How's Your Self-Awareness?
How would you rate your self-awareness in general? What about your relationship self-awareness? Are they the same, perhaps similar; or do you see these two areas as distinct from one another? Questioning yourself can help raise your self-awareness. However, the questions you ask need to be deeper and more meaningful then the ones you would use as a measure of how you appear to others. These more thoughtful questions will help you to probe the center of who you really are. Without knowing this you can't learn to accept and love the person inside. This is essential for all change to take place. Otherwise you become stuck in beliefs and behaviors that determine the outcomes in your life.
So, what are meaningful questions? For starters; they are always the harder ones that lead you to look closely in the mirror for all your features, good and bad. In compiling a list for yourself; it may be helpful to break questions into categories. As an example, you could begin with career, social, intimate relationships, spiritual and financial. If you would like to add or subtract from the list, do so. Be creative and let your mind play with all possibilities.
Now begin to develop your questions. Start with the simple ones first and move to the deeper and more difficult ones to answer. The following are examples of questions you may "want to try on".
Social:
Intimate Relationships:
Spiritual:
Financial:
As you can see from this list of questions; your general self-awareness flows over into ALL aspects of your life. Therefore, knowing yourself impacts every part of your being.
I encourage you to ask yourself these questions, add new ones to the list, and keep probing until you have explored the deepest parts of who you are and where you want to go.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q. My sense of self at work is good. However, I seem to be clueless when it comes to friendships and intimate relationships. Is this common? What can I do about it?
A. Actually, many people report that their professional selves are well known to them. They can discuss their strengths, weaknesses and long term goals with good clarity and a fair acceptance of who they are when in their work environment. This may not apply to everyone all the time; however it is generally so. These same people often report that they struggle with who they are, what they want and where they are going, outside of work. This is due to the fact that we often have differing levels of self-awareness that go along with our different roles. There will always be parts of our personalities that we see clearly in all aspects of our lives; but others can remain elusive, confusing or just unknown.
Raising our relationship self-awareness requires placing more focus on this particular area. Your job requires that you look hard at your strengths and weaknesses and evaluates you on how well you work to improve the problem areas. There is little opportunity for this in relationships. Our "rewards" are success in creating healthy, happy connections. Therefore, you need to do your own evaluation. Work with the questions. Move on to more difficult ones as you answer each. Taking risks such as asking others for their feedback could offer additional insights and learning.
Q. How do I know if I'm answering my own questions honestly?
A. Self-deception is a trap that we all have to work to avoid. As you ask yourself each question, reflect as far back as you can to all past relationships. Examine each answer carefully and challenge yourself by looking at your answers from both a positive and a NEGATIVE viewpoint. Make sure you also do an inventory of past relationships in general. Were they healthy? Do they still exist or how did they end? Did /do you feel satisfied with them? What feedback did/do you get from friends and significant others about yourself? Work to be honest with yourself. The answers are within you.
END NOTES
This issue was designed to help you to develop greater self-awareness. This critical knowledge will tell you who you really are and help you to accept and love your true self. Without this, you cannot set the goals that will bring about the life changes you desire. Hopefully you found the information and example questions useful as you worked through them.
Wherever you are in the process of finding and creating your perfect intimate relationship; you may feel the need for guidance, feedback and support. Toni offers a free "let's see what this is like" session to help you decide if the coaching path is right for you.
Send Toni an email at toni@Consum-mate.com and begin your journey to your lasting intimate relationship.
CONTACT INFORMATION
Toni Coleman, LCSW
Consum-mate.com
Phone: 703-847-1768
E-mail: Toni@consum-mate.com
Web: http://consum-mate.com
© Copyright 2002 Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved. Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a web site.
Reprint permission will be granted, upon request, to student newspapers, universities, and other nonprofit organizations. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in altered or modified form.
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© copyright 2002, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
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Consum-mateSM
703-847-1768
toni@consum-mate.com