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Dear Dating Coach - June 2003Communicating Interest vs. Coming on Too Strong Q. I have a male acquaintance that I'm romantically interested in. He is giving me some signals that he shares a similar interest in me. I have dropped hints and tried to communicate my feelings in suggesting we do something together, etc. How can I let him KNOW how I feel without scaring him off by coming on too strongly? A. My response to your question is really two-fold. There's the issue of how to communicate interest to another person. Then there's the issue of how it may be perceived or received. Let me deal with the second one first. You like him; you are not sure how he really feels. You decide to tell him. He either responds positively, becomes distant or is suddenly unavailable, etc. If he reacts negatively, it's a good bet it has nothing to do with HOW you expressed interest. It is because he doesn't feel the same way. Even if you expressed it differently, you would have had to deal with the fact that he simply doesn't return your feelings. Now, how to tell him you like him. How about an easy, straightforward approach? "I'm having feelings that are stronger than friendship for you, and I think you may be feeling the same way; can we talk about it?" If he shares these feelings, he'll be glad you brought it up. Sure saves time and angst, doesn't it? Q. I've been friends with this woman for a while now. In the last few months, I've been having feelings, other than friendship, for her. We get along really well and I think she may be feeling something more, too. How can I bring this up without risking our present relationship if she is not romantically into me? A. You two are friends. You have a good foundation for open and honest communication. If this were any other issue, how would you go about discussing it? Your answer would probably be, "in an honest and straightforward manner." So, this is how you tell her how you feel. Be honest, direct, but not pushy. Give her space to respond honestly. The friendship and respect you already share should allow for any discussion that may follow to go as well as possible. Yes, you could get hurt. But at least you will know where your relationship stands. Then the two of you decide what comes next, if anything.
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© copyright 2003, Antoinette Coleman. All rights reserved.
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